Because I am a Woman

Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey came out, everyone and their mother (literally) seems to be interested in trying out BDSM. For those of you who aren’t exactly sure where to start I thought it might be helpful to provide some brief safety tips and sex toys you can use when introducing BDSM into your sex life. 

First, lets start with the term itself. BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. Bondage refers to the use of restraints, discipline has much to do with control, sadism which means enjoying inflicting pain, and masochism or enjoying receiving pain. These last two terms are also where the Dom (dominant) and Sub (submissive) come into play.  Now please note that when I talk about pain, I am not referring to bad pain like when you injure yourself. This pain is negotiated sensation between consenting adults followed by after-care and involving the use of safe words. All of these things are very important! Before you engage in play, there must be a conversation where you talk about what is okay and what isn’t and come up with a safe word or action that will signal when things need to stop. These things are essential to BDSM.

When introducing BDSM in the bedroom a great place to start is with a little light bondage. This can start as simply as restraining with hands, but using wrist and ankle cuffs can be another fun option. Many people opt for the cheap metal handcuffs, but it is a good idea to stay away from these. Poorly made handcuffs, especially made out of metal, have potential to injure as they usually lack a double lock and so can continue to tighten. They can cut into your wrists or ankles, and unexpected injuries quite frankly aren’t that sexy. Instead, try using cloth, scarfs, or padded cuffs. They will not only be safer, but also more comfortable and conforming to your body. 

Another way to explore BDSM is with spanking and flogging. Of course you can start this with your hands, but once you get the hang out of it there are a lot of tools that can aid you in your spanking ventures. When you are shopping, look for paddles, floggers, and whips that are soft instead of stiff with no hard edges. These toys are usually very affordable, and you can pick them up for less than $20. 

Sensation is a huge part of BDSM (and sex in general), and there are countless ways to experiment with different sensations. For example, the Wartenberg Pinwheel is an awesome gadget that provides a tickling sensation when used lightly, or something a little more serious when used with a firmer touch. You can buy one for less than $13, which makes it a wonderful option for both beginners and for those with more experience. If you are interested in hot/cold play you can try using metal toys which can be heated up or cooled down easily and safely sanitized after use. You can also try incorporating the use of a massage candle which heats up wax that you can then pour out to use to massage. As a general warning, the wax can get very hot, so be careful. 

These are just some basic easy and affordable ways you can try some light beginner’s BDSM. It by no means encompasses all that BDSM is or can be. However, starting small and easy is never a bad idea.  If you have any other suggestions, feel free to submit them!